Wisdom Gained on Dating/Relationships

• Don’t focus on getting the Girl, Focus on God’s will, Give up on what is not God’s will, and pursue when he tells you to.
• Don’t get emotionally attached before there is anything there, keep God your source of joy
• Refrain from daydreaming possibilities,
• Read into it, consider signals, then step back and look at it objectively. But don't read into it too much. Balance
• Don’t be blinded by your heart
• Don’t pray too much about the person, can create and unhealthy attachment
• Guard your heart
• Take risks
• Before taking risks, think of the worst case scenario that would actually happen, no fantasy just logical probability.
• Listen to the Wisdom of the Holy Spirit
• Pray for them, pray in love, that is, pray for them to align with God’s will regardless of what that means for you. But not too much praying, can cause you to dwell on the situation too much.
• When Pursuing, give them space
• Take a hint, step back if you think that is what they want

•Types of people to look out for
o Anger (matthew 5:21-26)
o Addiction (matthew 5:27-30)
o Littered Trail (matthew 5:31-32) (dating guy after guy)
o Verbal Cunning (manipulative) (Matthew 5:33-37)
o Scorekeeping (matthew 5:38-42)
o Warring (Matthew 5:43-48) (looking for a fight)
o Pride (self absorbed) (Matthew 6:1-18)
o Greed (Matthew 6:19-24)
o Fretting (worry) (matthew 6:25-34)
o Judging (Condemning) ( Matthew 7:1-5)
o Being Undiscerning (foolish) (matthew 7:6)
o Hypocrisy (Matthew 7:15-23)
• Reap what you sow. If you sow laziness you won’t get a hardworking individual. Be marginal, attract marginal. Be marginal fool someone to being attracted to you. Both are bad

•Luck out pg18. If you luck out and get someone out of your league
o Boredom:They could have just been bored and wanted a boyfriend
o Annoyance: You will get tired of being pushed to something better all the time, and they will get tired of pushing you
o Regret: you’ll feel left out because they are advancing in work and relationships. They will regret being with you
o Lonelieness: You will be outside of the seriousness parts of their life; they will be embarrassed by you. Being outside of the loop will leave you feeling lonely.

•Illusions (pg 20)
o #1 I know a lot of stuff because I’m doing will in school.
 Work hard at helping your education shape you
 Am I trying to better myself with my education
o # 2 I’m developing myself by spending a lot of time with the best people
 Bad company might corrupt good character but good company doesn’t necessarily enhance bad character
o #3 I attend a lot of church activities, so I’m bound to be with reat people
 Going to church does not make you good
o #4 I’m going to model myself after a great Christian so I can be great too
 You can’t copy your way to excellence
o #5 If I find the right friend he will make me a better person
 You don’t need a friend to bail you out. You need to decide to be different, let God empower you and start making changes

•Steps to becoming a person worth marrying pg 25
o #1 become passionate about God
 God is at the center
o #2 Know the truth
 Know the truth, lay aside illusion, discern truth from lie, and mature in Christ
o #3 live in freedom
 Free from sin(you may still sin but not a slave not in bondage to it) free to say no to temptation, though at times you may still choose to say yes.
 Free from legalism
o #4 Become passionate about others
 People are the joy, serving them is serving Christ. Let God’s love for people rub off on you and become your genuine love for people.
 Consider others better than yourself
 1 thessalonians 2:19-20
o #5 Become passionate about your responsibilities
 With diligence and joy
o #6 Find a greater cause
 A mission
 What am I here to change? What Am I here to build? What do I want to leave behind when I graduate? When I leave my first job (ministry)? When I die?
o #7 Learn the power of redemption
 Forgive and give second chances

•Are they ready? Pg 32 Illusions will fade as he gets older
o #1 A person’s focus on themself is only natural and this will fade as they get older
o #2 People who are responsible in school will be responsible in work, marriage and parenting
o #3 Clean cut and sharp on the outside means decent on the inside
o #4 If they’re spending a lot of time with me it means they think I’m special
o #5 We’ve never had a fight so we must be in harmony

•Finding the right one
o Biblical Principles
o Your experience
o The wisdom of others
• Clues to finding a person worth marrying
o Purity
o Peace loving
o Considerate
o Submissive
o Full of Mercy and good fruit
o Impartial (no favoritism)
o Sincere (without hypocrisy)

•Creating a Succesful Christian Marriage
o Pg. 101 “When you date, the search isn’t just for someone you can live with. Instead, the real search should be for someone you can’t live without.”

o Twelve Rules for Building Self Confidence
1. Focus on your potential instead of your limitations
2. Determine to know the truth about yourself
3. Distinguish between who you are and what you do
4. Find something you like to do and do well, then do it over and over
5. Replace self-criticism with regular positive self-talk
6. Replace fear of failure with clear pictures of yourself functioning successfully and happily
7. Dare to be a little eccentric
8. Make the best possible peace with you parents
9. Determine to integrate the body and spirit
10. Determine to live above neurotic guilt
11. Cultivate people who help you grow
12. Refuse to allow rejection to keep you from taking the initiative with people